This Grandma's Shocking Favoritism Will Tear a Family Apart - Can It Ever Be Fixed?

I’m a single mother of two children, an 8-year-old daughter and a 9-year-old son. My daughter’s father is involved; my son’s father is not. I was diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH) when my daughter was born and given two weeks to live. My condition has markedly improved, and I am on the right medication, so my prognosis is now much better.

As my health continues to improve, I started noticing my mother’s behavior around my children, particularly her favoritism towards my daughter. My daughter has always been her favorite; however, the difference in the way she treats her compared to my son is getting more apparent and more hurtful. It seems like she spoils my daughter, giving her lots of gifts, hugs, and doting attention while my son is getting attention but never on the same level.

This became especially evident last month when it was my daughter’s birthday. My mother went out of her way, throwing her a party that included many of her friends, setting up a banquet with some of the popular fast-food restaurants and giving her a very expensive birthday gift. Meanwhile, when my son’s birthday came around, my mom only played it cool, did the minimum for his party, and never gave him an expensive gift. What really shocked me was that, during my daughter’s birthday celebration, she mentioned that she was going to use some of her insurance money from her own deceased husband to pay for my daughter’s education. It turns out my grandmother will put aside some of her deceased husband’s insurance money solely for my daughter's education expenses.

This doesn’t just upset me, and it also makes me question her future relationship with my children. I want both my children to have an equal relationship with my mom. However, this is not just about that; this is about setting an example for my children and teaching them what it means to be fair. My grandmother is essentially showing my children that one is valued more than the other. This should not be what my children learn.

I am at my wit’s end and do not know what to do anymore. I desperately need advice. Is there something wrong with talking to my mom about the difference she’s showing my children or will that cause more damage to the relationship between the kids and their grandma?

Maybe there’s something I can specifically say to get her to realize her questionable actions around my children. It hurts my heart that my grandmother seems not to understand that she is deeply hurting my son while recklessly continuing the favoritism.